Fighting temptation Counselor helps men with sexual addictions

Joe Dallas became a born-again Christian in 1971 at age 16, but by1984 he was bottoming out in a life filled with what he now labels"depravity."

Putting aside any thoughts toward personal health and anydiscrepancy between his convictions and his actions, Dallas haddefined his life through sexual encounters.

He said he told himself his life was exciting and fun.

As Dallas tells it, there was constant use of pornography, anaffair with a friend's wife, group sex, anonymous sex and routineencounters with prostitutes.

Since his teen-age church days, he said, he has sensed an unspokenrule in which Christians were assumed to be immune from sexualimpropriety. Meanwhile, they are swarmed with a sexualized cultureand shamed for acting out, he said.

And with the influx of Internet pornography, Dallas added, stayingclean is like quitting cigarettes while living with a smoker.

Joe Dallas is his real name, but not to be confused with a 1970sporn star of the same name. He comes forward with an open testimonial-- while also stressing safety and discretion for those he helps as aChristian counselor.

He gives men's seminars on how to get out of sexual crisis. Hewill give one in Normal on March 13.

Preaching about morality is good and needed, Dallas said in atelephone interview, but he sees little practical help available.

"It's as if we're being told, 'Don't,' but we aren't being toldhow not to."

Hindering recovery is the lack of mature discussion amongAmericans about sex, he said.

Discussions tend to be limited to humor and the pop-culture-driven topics like Janet Jackson's breast and the Britney-Madonnakiss.

As for the church, Dallas likes to compare its credibility to aman, 300 pounds overweight, who gives a late-night infomercial aboutexercise equipment. He uses the term "moral reformation" to describewhat he works toward within Christianity.

Said Dallas, "We can't address the moral problems of our time ifwe aren't consistent people. If we have all these secret sins in ourlives, we're a part of the problem."

Discussing his sex life is a lot like talking to a recoveringalcoholic about drinking.

Dallas said he last used pornography in January 1984.

His recovery from pornography and habitual promiscuity startedafter seeing an old friend on television. Still dabbling inChristianity, Dallas happened upon a Christian show in which a friendwas giving a testimonial about his recovery from alcoholism.

In 1987, three years into sexual addiction recovery, Dallasstarted counseling men on a Christian approach against sexual sin.Based in Orange County, Calif., he gives two group seminars a monthin addition to individual "life coaching."

The seminars are geared to men "involved in any sexual activitythat's at odds with their beliefs," he said. Coming from aconservative Christian viewpoint, this includes homosexual activityfor Dallas. He was involved in that, too.

His becoming straight and writing about it has made him a targetof critics accepting of gays, and he assumes it will becomeincreasingly controversial.

But those in attendance at his seminars, he said, ordinarily arein crisis from extramarital heterosexual affairs and from pornographyuse. They need not be sex "addicts."

He considers his seminars a starting point for men who want tochange. He give "tools" for men to manage their actions and theirthought lives.

This always involves follow-up work with others -- a 12-stepgroup, professional counseling, accountability groups and the like.

----------- Pastors and porn

Even some church pastors are looking at Internet pornography.Christianity Today magazine conducted a mail-in survey in 2001. Ofthose responding, 89 percent had Internet access. Of those pastorswho had Internet access:

* 57 percent said they never visited an Internet porn site.

* 7 percent said they visited a site more than a year prior.

* 9 percent said they viewed Internet porn once in the past year.

* 21 percent said they visited sites a few times a year.

* 6 percent said they viewed sites a couple times a month or more.